Kerala - God's Own Country

I always wondered why people call Kerala - God’s Own Country. To find my answers, I decided to pay a visit and experience some of its exquisite locations.

I booked an early morning flight, packed my bags and was off to Kerala. I had already decided on the places I would be visiting – Alleppey and Munnar. My first destination was Alleppey. The closest airport to reach Alleppey is the Cochin International airport. The bright sunny morning along with the cold October breeze was the perfect start for my voyage. On reaching the airport, I was picked by my driver and was off to Alleppey. From Cochin, it’s about 90 minutes drive to the houseboat that I had booked.

On reaching Alleppey, and walking down a sinewy stretch, I was eager to spot the houseboat. Lavender – as she is called. The houseboat was a nice home away from home.

Lavender - As she is fondly called

I was welcomed by the chef/caretakers of the boat - Joe and Ashokumaran so courteously. They served me with a traditional Kerala welcome drink tender coconut with a touch of contemporary presentation combined with the freshness of Pineapple. After a nice rinse it was time now for the boat to cruise through the back waters. The boat floats through the still waters dotted with tall coconut trees, undisturbed by the scurry of the household chores by the villagers on the shore. I ask the captain of the boat, Ashokumaran if I can voyage the houseboat and he immediately obliges with a smile. I rotate the wheel and turn it to the right. He chuckles at my effort to manoeuvre between the approaching houseboat on the left.  Finally after cruising for about one hour, he anchors the boat in the middle of the backwaters away from the shore for some yummiliciuous Kerala meal. As the meal is laid on the table, I see many such half-filled housboats float past me and the people on board exchanging smiles and waves. To have a meal as authentic as this one comprising of nice deep fried fish, rice, avail and Kerala pappad all cooked in the aromatic coconut oil, makes you yearning for this quiet moment amidst waters and sea crows.

Kerala meen - deep fried in aromatic oil and abundant flavors

Continuing the ride along through the narrow canals, occasionally interrupted by ear-splitting music and spotting small canoes rowed by the villagers, as the boat alights back at the shore, I look back at the calm backwaters and other houseboats and let the experience seep in. After dinner it was time to hit the bed. The quite backwaters and the cool breeze from the outside and some aromatic food being cooked by the locals dint take long for me to quickly fall asleep. I was all set the next day to start my tour to my next destination to Munnar.

The drive from Alleppey to Munnar is a long 3hrs. En route to the destination I came across a beautiful waterfall.

Waterfall en route to Munnar

The clear waters and the forceful sound of the falls in the midst of the serene and green forest was harmony to the ears. As I approached Munnar, the weather started dropping. The cold breeze blowing through my face, the drizzles from the misty clouds reminded me why I loved the monsoons.

Approaching the Deep Woods Resort, I realized this was so far off from the city nestled in absolute silence. Located at the highest point in Kerala, 1700meters above sea level, Munnar allows a splendid view of the Western Ghats, which unfolds before you like a green carpet.

Tea plantations in Munnar

This place is often covered by mist on a clear day. You surely feel like you are walking through the clouds. Around Munnar are a lot of sightseeing options. My first stop was at the Kannan Devan Tea Museum, the first tea museum of its kind in the country. There are several old equipment’s at the museum which take you to the era of how people valued labor and machine was just a medium to make life easy and not a part of their life. Some of it was the tea processing machine, the rail unit, first typewriter and many more. I was not only exposed to the right way of making tea but also realized how tedious it was by the time we are presented with the aromatic tea dust that we enjoy every morning at bed. The journey at the museum would have been incomplete without a hot cup of Black Cardamom Tea to sip on. I also picked some tea packs to bring back home which were available at discounted prices.

One of the tea processing machine

The sunset at the Pothamadu viewpoint was truly mesmerizing. I have witnessed the sunset at the beach before this. But looking at the sun set deep in the forest from a hill top was spectacular. The colors of the setting sun with lush greenery, truly defines nature at its best.

Munnar is a great place to stock up spices like cardamom, vanilla, pepper, cinnamon and nutmeg. As I take a stroll through the streets, I find number of shops across the streets selling all these and chocolates in different flavors, shapes and sizes. Language or communication was not one bit of a hassle considering Kerala is one of the most literate states in India. People are very warm and welcoming towards the tourist.

How could I leave Kerala without gorging on some amazing, coconut oil fried banana chips? You surely cannot stop at one. And I completely vouch for this green state being labelled God’s own country. It truly is a place, which will bring to the fore the simple joys of life one tends to forget in the urban whirlwind.

Expectations – how much is too much

Has anyone paid any attention to the ordeal it brings when you hear “You should have managed mine/their expectations?”

People who set standards feel others who are required to meet their expectations are under their control. If all you need is to control and tame others on the whims and fancies of your choices so you can hold your head high even if it means to bury the person six-feet under the ground, you would do it because it gives you a sense of achievement. But the person, who’s nailed down and expected to meet your needs and desires, imagine the state! The fluctuations in the mind of such a human, definitely takes a toll on the stability of the being.

So I had to look at what an expectation is. First off, it is not a promise. It is not a guarantee of a specific outcome. It is not a demand made to the Universe that our desires be met. As I looked more deeply I saw that it is simply how we are framing both the present and the future for ourselves. It is a creative act, based on past experience, energized by emotions and feelings, and modified by our imagination and desires.

It is surprising to see how we allow whom we love so deeply and dearly, consciously or sub-consciously to influence our life and how deep those influences lies that we forget, they are slowly but surely taking a shape of the expectations from them on us and from then on it is just a train of things which goes from meeting one to another. While you strive hard to prove yourself worthwhile so that it fulfills their desires, your happiness takes a backseat. And the next thing you know is you are hurt, devastated when you get to know that their expectations are not met. 

It is absolutely fair to be impulsive the moment you know someone expects something from you. It gets you going to prove your worth. But what is also absolutely necessary is to have your heart in the right place in order to understand how realistic the expectations are. In any relationship, say mother-son, father-daughter, siblings, husband-wife, teacher-student; there is a certain level of responsibility. But as time passes and as the relationship grows, some tend to get more fragile because there is only one person among the two who is constantly expecting the other to change as per his/her desires so that the opposite individual is the one to shoulder the burden of the entire relationship to move ahead and being obsessed to win the you-met-my-expectations trophy from the other. 

With the evolution of expectations comes the epiphany that you can lose yourself in this journey to be what you are not. Not all of us can be size zero. And then you go there and that takes away the focus from your life. You are so busy in comparing yourself to others that you lose your true identity and you start to get uncomfortable in what you are and who you are. You are expected to change, you do change and one fine day you are told the most favorite phrase “you've changed. You’re not the same person anymore.” That’s the irony. Of course, change is inevitable. But to make it a part of your life so much so that you get demoted as you change and eventually start to feel suffocated is not what you set out for. Just as you put a statutory warning against smoking, some people consider it as their birth right to expect from everyone around them and have a face that screams out ‘this behavior is not acceptable by you and you will be punished.’ 

I personally feel that you need to set your own expectations and you need to be in full control of how and when to alter it as per your capabilities and not let an external force, even if it is a being who is closest to you, to alter or set expectations for you. Else you will never find an answer for how much is too much of expectation. Think!

I have an identity and that is not “A Victim”

To look is one thing,

To see what you look at is another.

To understand what you see is third,

To learn what you understand is still something else;

I have had tears streaming down my face from frustration, disappointment, and failures. There is absolutely no shame in crying because tears taste better than self-defeat. Unless you’re a woman, you won’t understand how invasive and annoying it can be, this unasked for, completely random inquisition and abuse.

Research shows that about 100 crore women across the world are harassed every day. What an alarming number. One woman is raped every 22 minutes in India. One in 5 girls is sexually abused every 6 minutes. One woman dies for dowry harassment every 1 hour. The rate at which marriages are falling apart, has increased tremendously such that, you walk in a family court and it’s a fish market. The accused get away so easily that the judge barely has the time to listen to your part of the story. To give you deeper reality, there is no “Geeta pe haath rakhke kasam khao” anymore. The Holy book Geeta is replaced with a Xerox on a cardboard which says “I swear by The Geeta” and is tied with a string on a wooden railing and stays dangling there, unnoticed. What a shame!

But what is more shocking is we see seldom see women come out in open fearlessly and talk about the plethora of harassment? To have been through a trauma as close to breaking the soul from within and being finger pointed as “a victim” is physically, mentally and emotionally taxing.

You might read about her. But you will rarely hear from her.

Have we ever wondered why no woman in the world today escapes macho-ism altogether? Somehow it is egged into her mind from the very young age that she is a born victim and is meant to tolerate. In fact, she is locked into a pattern of inflicting psychic pain on herself. Submitting always to the will and whim of others, she perpetuates her own misery by living in fear that she would somehow offend if she tried to stand up for herself. 

As parents, guardians, teachers and well-wishers we school the girls in our family to dress appropriately, to cover-up, to speak softly, how to sit, how to eat. Of course, this schooling is very much needed to maintain the grace and poise and to transform her into a beautiful lady. That definitely is the way ahead. But what is also important is how we help them cope up in trying times. There are some experiences you never forget and that trigger a flood of emotions in the most unexpected scenarios. For some people, wrestling with these emotional demons is a daily battle.

It is equally important to understand that it is the same people’s responsibility to balance out the same teachings to the boys in the family. Unfortunately, it so happens that the boys are pushed towards independent life at a very early age. This practical division of ingrained gender bias is what robs everyone of what is real and essential. Don’t dismiss the tears in a boy’s eye as a cliche “Boys don’t cry”. That is when they turn to show their violent streak and control the most accessible human race - Women.

It is very easy to confuse what we do and who we are. The word “identity” is paradoxical in itself, meaning both sameness and distinctiveness, and its contradictions proliferate when it is applied to women. Point towards a woman and see for yourself that she is a way towards an active, functional and fulfilling life with an identity of her own and that surely is not of "A Victim." 

Lady, you, alone, are enough!

Toscano - The Perfect Italian Casual Dining

It’s my first time ever to be writing about a cuisine and the food that I had recently at a very famous Italian restaurant situated on the 2^nd floor in UB City, Bangalore. I don’t claim to be a connoisseur of food, nor an expert of how authentic a cuisine can be. I just love eating out at new places and hence, thought I should pen down my experience about it. My attempt here is to give an experience; I had at the restaurant, the ambiance, the food and those other aspects that you would look for when scouting for a place to eat.

After a long thinking about the load on wallet and the cuisine, I zeroed down on visiting Toscano to give my palate an Italian experience. To begin with, it’s one of the places in UB city that definitely stands out as you stroll through the place which has lot many offerings. In a corner, with nice open garden seating like ambiance is Toscano. Getting a table was not difficult although I walked in without a reservation. But if you are looking to dine in with a bigger bunch, then I would recommend you reserve a table as the place gets crowded with time.

Toscano had many chalk boards put up and a lot of trivia written here and there. Also was a barrel which consisted of a very nice vintage arrangement of wine bottles (empty ones ;) from all over the world on display.  

Vintage Wine from all over the world on one barrel

With Menu in hand it was time to order food. The Menu had a nice range of spread for the entrée, desserts and drinks (yes they serve both alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks).

I ordered a Mojito Thirsty Pomegranate with Lemon and Pineapple syrup. The drink was very refreshing, not over sweet not very acidic. Along with it I was served some nice Bread with Pesto and Olive Butter while I waited for my food to arrive.

Bread with Pesto and Olive Butter

As for my entrée I ordered Toscano’s House Caesar Salad with Poached and Marinated Shrimps. This cold salad of shrimps accompanied with cheese and lots of greens was very soothing and light on the stomach. The crunch of the greens along with the shrimps came together really well.

Toscano's House Caesar Salad with Poached and Marinated Shrimps

I couldn't resist myself and ordered for another seafood appetizer. It was the - All-time favorite Smoked Salmon with Tartare complimented with sliced Pommery Mustard Apple Salad and Fresh Mixed Greens. Although the salmon was a little salty, what balanced the dish was the mustard apple salad. The light acidic flavor of the apple with nice black olives gave a great texture to the salad.

Smoked Salmon with Tartare complimented with sliced Pommery Mustard Apple Salad and Fresh Mixed Greens 

Having done with my hors d’oeuvre now was the time for the main course. The main course menu is vast and the staffs surely know what goes in the dishes. I was suggested a Chicken de Toscano – Sage Infused Chicken Breast stuffed with Spinach and Ricotta Cheese complimented with Mixed Vegetable Ragout and Parsley Vegetables. The filling of chicken breast with spinach and ricotta cheese makes the dish so scrumptious. The chicken is really moist and the vegetable ragout just adds the right amount of zesty flavors. 

Chicken de Toscano

I was also suggested Pollo alla diavola – Chicken Breast pan friend in Garlic and Pepper Sauce and served with Mashed Potatoes and Butter Peppered Mixed Vegetables for main course. Although I was full with Chicken de Toscano, this sure was something I dint want to miss. The pan fried chicken breast in garlic and pepper sauce was mouth-watering. The aroma of caramelized pungent garlic was a winner. But what came by surprise was a twist in mashed potatoes. It was mixed with risotto, olives and some mint that added great flavors. 

Pollo alla diavola

Once the main course was done, it was time for the sweet moment. Yes, the dessert. I ordered Toscano’s all-time favorite Tiramisu with Crème Anglaise, Cocoa and Coffee Ice Cream. The plating of this dessert surely deserves a mention. The finesse with which the crème anglaise was spread and the coffee ice cream on the tart was an absolute art. I am not a great coffee fan but the aroma of coffee however was enriching. 

Tiramisu with Creme Anglaise, Cocoa and Coffee Ice Cream

Unfortunately, this dessert dint impress me as much as I thought. Hence, to beat the low-spirited mood, I ordered another dessert - White Chocolate and Mango Pave –served with Stewed Apple Chutney, Melons and Cherry Sorbet. This filled the void that I had experienced in the first one. The Mango Pave was smooth and buttery. The sorbet was refreshing. The colors were a delight to eyes. A total justice to have spoon fights over.

Mango Pave with Stewed Apply Chutney, Melons and Cherry Sorbet

All in all, it was worth a visit to Toscano and this restaurant has truly changed my view of the Italian cuisine. The service is prompt. Place is clean. Music is apt with a lot of instrumental jazz on their playlist. The place definitely serves a good meal and the presentation of every dish is done with a lot of patience.

Address:  2^nd Floor, UB City, Lavelle Road Bangalore

Phone: 080- 41738800

Price Pack: Yes its pricey, a little over Rs 2000/-

Cuisine: Italian

Valet Parking : Yes

Goa – A photographer’s paradise

India has several beaches all around its coastal line. However, only one place in particular has practically become the epicenter of our thought process when we think of beaches in India. Yes, it’s Goa.

I decided to treat myself with a trip of solitude and head towards Goa. Although I was very apprehensive about my visit to Goa because of the overcrowded beaches and the loud night life which I have never fancied, I still convinced myself to do everything possible to avoid the latter and decided to go.

I landed in Goa on a bright sunny afternoon and after driving through the coastline and small towns, paved my way to a small old Guest house in the North Goa near Sinquerim. The place, Marbella Guest House, as I entered was very rustic and had a very ancient Portuguese touch to it and was my introduction to life in Goa for the next whole week. 

One of the room's in Marbella Guest House

After a nice hot shower and a nap, I decided to take a walk by the beach in the evening. I strolled through the small streets which possessed very understated and classic houses built over the years that just describe the untold stories. As I take time to evaluate the place and people who have come from all over the world to experience the beauty of this place, I realize that this is going to be a great adventure! The key to settle in to a new place is to understand your hold and grab on the freshness and let the thoughts float freely.

The next morning I wake up to the peacock cries, have a very English bed-time breakfast and decide to explore Goa on my two-wheeler. Wearing shorts, slippers, something dull as I begin my expedition, I immediately fell in love with the laid back life. Savoring on some sumptuous Goan cuisine be it at the local roadside neighborhood eateries or at a fine dining resto, this place does not disappoint the food lovers.

One of the best breakfast's I have ever had

I was told about Morjim beach by a friend. On the outskirts, untouched by the crowd, is Morjim beach. I decide to sit at a shack and start observing faces. I spent hours studying them as they passed by and try to guess what they did for a living. This was mostly a subconscious process.

Morjim Beach - unexplored and undisturbed by the crowd

Then the famous Calangute beach with restaurants, bars and souvenir shops on both sides, it moved at a snails speed. This was certainly the most happening street of Goa. Around here are the flea markets. And the season of Goa carnival, makes this place all the more colorful, people fully charged up to create their floats to display at the carnival. The one sand castle with Shrek, was a delight to eyes.

Shrek - my Hero ;)

River Mandovi is home to floating casinos and its jetty to ferries. The city of Panjim and Old Goa, house many ancient churches, convent, museums, art galleries, government buildings and bungalows. The heritage of this place is magnificent.

Goa is a solo sojourn; me time. I know its a phrase heard more often than not, but yet again I recommend this much hyped destination for a solo trip during non-hyped seasons. Go Goa and rediscover yourself, rekindle your soul.

Modern days divide and rule policy – Religion

I start by apologizing to all the people reading this who are staunch believers and religious followers. The intent of my writing is not to hurt religious sentiments of people and is purely my personal opinion.

Like most blogs, religion-blogs are highly opinionated. Some get way too personal, some are funny, some present facts and some say nasty things about all the religions but theirs. Here I try and give my perspective on what I have personally experienced on the religious values and belief system.

Religion today I call is the modern days divide and rule policy. It’s important to know what we as people think about, when one chants Aum, Amen and Aameen. Religion by and large teaches you to be God fearing. But does it teach you to be God loving? Does it teach you to respect humanity?

We as elders teach the younger lot of people to chant Aum – which in Sanskrit means OM, the first syllable which embodies the universe in the Hindu religion, Amen – in the Holy Bible emphasizes on the approval from Jesus as per Christianity and Aameen – in the Holy Quran says blessings, are upon us by Allah. Midst this, we fail to hear the call from that one supreme power which or who sends the same message to each one, irrespective of the silhouette that we as humans have created.

Can we free ourselves from being Christian, Muslim, Hindu, Sikh, and Buddhism? When you talk about the religion you follow, you are trying to impose your thoughts and beliefs. You redesign the religion to conveniently fit your needs and wants and present it as truth. If you call killing innocent people gets you closer to God in the name of Religion, then you are persuading yourself to accept what is against the wishes of God. If dividing people as the backward class and letting them roll over the leaves after the pundits have had a lavish meal because then the people from the backward class get to climb the stairway to heaven, then you are disrespecting humanity. By doing this and believing the wrongs, we are cascading the effect of divide and rule among us humans and the generations that follow thereby questioning the fundamentals of faith.

Let’s just talk about a diverse country as India. We are very much aware of the differences that are spread from north to south and east to west. The cultures, traditions even within one’s own religion differ. Having had so many differences to deal with already, does it make any logical sense to divide ourselves on religion? Of course the mythology and the hidden stories of a religion are very intriguing. There are a lot of layers in every religion’s mythological story and is interpreted in a lot of ways by many.

God doesn't have a definition. He is over and above the religion. He created humans and not religion. To be able to connect with the supreme divine power is what matters. Never mix faith and tradition or faith and religion to emphasize on having an upper hand in your religion over the other. Don’t discriminate, is what faith teaches every individual. Don’t entangle yourself in the web of innumerable beliefs. 

I chose to believe in humanity, value, kindness which supersedes everything than believing in religion. I searched desperately for that element of solace to be able to connect with my inner beat, but couldn't connect. And then, by giving up a belief system which I have followed for over two decades, I realized the calling for me was beyond the place of worship. By completely cutting my religious ties, I have made more enemies than friends in my own first circle of loved and trusted family members and friends. It did take longer than usual to unplug and has taken many by surprise. But I have no qualms, because it has got me closer to God.

Like very well put by the famous American author Wayne Dyer "Religion is orthodoxy, rules and historical scriptures maintained by people over long periods of time. Generally people are raised to obey the customs and practices of that religion without question. These are customs and expectations from outside the person and do not fit my definition of spiritual."

Do I believe in God? Yes. Do I believe in religion? No. When something works for me, why give it a name to demean its sanctity.

Influence without Authority

“Few will have the greatness to bend the history, but each of us can work to change a small portion of events” – by Influencing. To influence is more of an art than science.  When you really have to deal with different people at workplace, the only mechanism that comes handy to create a situation profitable for both individuals and two groups in discussion, is the power of influencing. I call it POWER because when you master this incredible art, it builds a great professional relationship, helps you grow in your career, and help you exchange “something” that other person values in exchange of what you have. You don’t have to be at the top of the ladder to influence people. All it takes is facts and figures backing you and a great deal of confidence combined with both substance and style. Sometimes it’s the fear of rejection that stops us from approaching or the fear of not being able to negotiate appropriately. However, most of these barriers are self-created and hence need to be self-destroyed.

The ability to influence is one of the essential skills as it helps you get things done outside of the reporting lines. These can be categorised in 5 types mentioned below:

1)      Being Assertive: To know whom you are working with and the content that is being spoken about. Ensure that your ideas are heard and that you challenge the ideas of others

2)      To be able to convince: Put forward your ideas and match it with the project requirements. Show how it will help in the growth of the team/project. Offer logical, rational reasons to convince others of your point of view

3)      Negotiating:  you look for compromises and know the demands of people and directly measure it with your capabilities to reach outcomes to satisfy your greater interest

4)      Bridge the gap: Interact with everyone. Build relationships and connect with others through listening, understanding and sharing so that you don’t miss out on any valuable information

5)      Inspire people: Advocate your position and encourage others with a sense of shared purpose and exciting possibilities. Increase healthy competition in the organisation

Each of the above mentioned styles can be effective depending on the situation and the people involved. A common mistake is to use one-size-fits-all approach. Influencing is highly situational and requires a lot of practice. Be persistent and don’t give up if you fail. Understanding your natural inclination is a good place to start. Learn to be a diplomat – never lie, but never say the truth entirely. This allows you to have a control on the situation. Give choices to yourself and be flexible. This will help you understand the situation better and help you shift gears at the right time to use a different approach to be more effective.

Begin with small steps – target a person or a situation at the lowest stake to know how effective your influencing approach is and measure the outcome. As you build your capability and confidence, take on the bigger challenges.

After having known the importance of influencing, a few things that I have adopted in my way of working is to do quality work. Gain credibility and maintain it. Exit gracefully when necessary and don’t write of people when you don’t get help. Whether you are leading, following, and/or collaborating, chances are you need to influence others to be successful. The key is to know which approach to use in a given situation. 

An Anonymous Loner

We, as a society, are notorious for fire-fighting instead of life prevention. One fine day, a loner comes out of this fabricated society to a live an anonymous and obscure life. A life that makes him feel is his own for once and not like a property on sale. A life which echoes to him “It’s your life, live it for yourself.”

Coercing yourself to prove to the world out there every single day when you wake up is frustrating. The mornings seem to start yet another long day ahead for the constant acceptance where you do what is expected out of  you and not what you feel to do because then you would be judged. Finally, the conclusion, almost unanimously, the community that has the best future is the one that cares the most for you and your coming generation!

Let’s try and understand what is the community giving the coming generation? On one had we teach or rather learn in school about how everyone around us has to be treated equally irrespective of class, creed, sex and religion and on the other when it comes to actually put what we learn in practice, we succumb to the societal pressures and end up leaving our emotional needs unfulfilled eventually becoming lonely and frustrated. And then we reach a position from where one cannot retract or get back to “normalcy”. Hence, you set on the path of searching the anonymous loner in you only because you develop an aversion towards the nagging feeling of being cocooned by a society that is silk wrapped, promises you to give a life that it owns and not the life that you are an owner of.

I am sure many of us have stumbled upon a self-proclaimed non hypocrite sometime or the other who says he lives a life on his terms and conditions.  Really? Put in a little thought and you will know that he who says this is the biggest hypocrite. The irony of this thought which grows over the years within you wherein you believe that you are living your life on your own terms but actually tend to behave in a certain way and live in a malfunctioning society when you are given the regular quota of how you would be looked at the moment you step out of the four walls of your house starts to gain importance and the “craving” of being universally recognized and accepted begins to haunt.

Perhaps, a person has to let go of a lot of luxury that life throws at his/her disposal to choose a life of an anonymous loner. Why when we come alone in this world are free of worries, but as we grow and begin to understand life, we give importance to have a companion to take our life ahead? Why is there a constant need to be accepted by the society to showcase your partner/spouse so we place ourselves in the larger chuck of a “respectable society?”

It still is a taboo today when you choose to stay alone because what people fail to see is that, it’s a choice that one makes just like someone in our own country wishes to adopt two girls and raise them as a single mother. People look up to celebrities because they set examples, but when a normal person wishes to take a stand, all you see is rolling-eyes and raised eyebrows.

I am not writing a blog to preach and induce an anonymous loner’s life to everyone who reads this. It’s just a way of life one chooses, after all to one his own choice. It’s important to have “quality” time with yourself. Don’t be concerned about what is in store tomorrow if left alone because then you will turn to practices that are unhealthy. Ground realities are in fact different. And the reality is to ask yourself “is it really that a big deal?” In short, replace the faulty image with a more suitable, worthy and conscientious one. Don’t look at it as need of acceptance and approval from the so called “permissible society” because then you will never be accepted.