Like many girls who dreamed to be grown up into a strong-minded woman, I felt the same urge from when I realized the physical, emotional and psychological changes in me started to seep in. I couldn't do much about it back then. Cut to present time, well, not that I am able to do much about it now either, but certainly there seems to be a good start for sure.
To have been born and raised in a family of strict disciplinary parents, where perfection was the prime factor of my upbringing, puts a perpetual pressure and challenge of living up to it. Mind you, I did (well at least I can get a few genuine people who will vouch on this for me). But as time passed by, I realized being drawn into a shell.
A lot of instances in my life, which I would not like to share on a public platform, have drained me so much that I was emotional and mentally exhausted. There were days I woke up only to go back to sleep unconsciously with a wish to never be woken up the following day. Things were disoriented and there was always a feeling of isolation even when surrounded by people I know have the best in class humor. My mind would always veer towards losing out on people who I thought were my emotional anchors. Sometimes in the process, I did lose out on them. If not completely, but partially for sure.
The concept of "honor" seemed to be gripping through the gaps of my hand like sand. Does it constitute to the most terrible experiences I have had till date or does it mean how I surpassed this experiences and still stand strong with very little or sometimes no hope or help?
I have had this feeling many a times to be the odd one out, ridiculed for speaking my mind, banished for having shed my inhibitions to not accept any form of idol worship yet have full faith in the supreme ( yes I still call myself his favorite child), to have been called a rebel for not having accepted the norms of the otherwise normal doing in the society, for the faults in my past. I'm sure I am not the first and the only one. But this has not made me wistful of my past. It has only exposed me to people who would stick around me even if I dint agree with what they said.
No matter how painful my experiences have been in the past, those innumerable sleepless nights, those tears I have shed hidden behind the noise of a running water tap in my bathroom - they've shaped me being the person I'm today and will continue to do so in the days to come.
As I start to talk to myself more, I find time to listen to my heart...
To have been born and raised in a family of strict disciplinary parents, where perfection was the prime factor of my upbringing, puts a perpetual pressure and challenge of living up to it. Mind you, I did (well at least I can get a few genuine people who will vouch on this for me). But as time passed by, I realized being drawn into a shell.
A lot of instances in my life, which I would not like to share on a public platform, have drained me so much that I was emotional and mentally exhausted. There were days I woke up only to go back to sleep unconsciously with a wish to never be woken up the following day. Things were disoriented and there was always a feeling of isolation even when surrounded by people I know have the best in class humor. My mind would always veer towards losing out on people who I thought were my emotional anchors. Sometimes in the process, I did lose out on them. If not completely, but partially for sure.
The concept of "honor" seemed to be gripping through the gaps of my hand like sand. Does it constitute to the most terrible experiences I have had till date or does it mean how I surpassed this experiences and still stand strong with very little or sometimes no hope or help?
I have had this feeling many a times to be the odd one out, ridiculed for speaking my mind, banished for having shed my inhibitions to not accept any form of idol worship yet have full faith in the supreme ( yes I still call myself his favorite child), to have been called a rebel for not having accepted the norms of the otherwise normal doing in the society, for the faults in my past. I'm sure I am not the first and the only one. But this has not made me wistful of my past. It has only exposed me to people who would stick around me even if I dint agree with what they said.
No matter how painful my experiences have been in the past, those innumerable sleepless nights, those tears I have shed hidden behind the noise of a running water tap in my bathroom - they've shaped me being the person I'm today and will continue to do so in the days to come.
As I start to talk to myself more, I find time to listen to my heart...
Frank and bold one, way to go! Am sure all go through these phases.
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