Parenting - a topic I choose to write over the years of watching many parents (mine included) in my inner circle bring their kids up. I ain't a parent. Then how can I write a blog on something in which I have zero experience? Well, sometimes you learn and inculcate the do's and dont's just by watching and you don't really have to have a first hand experience. Do you?
To all those who are about to step-in to the world of parenthood this might just be the right time to have some "advice" so to say to help you out through the staggering challenge you are about to experience. For those who call themselves "the proud parents", maybe its about time to retrospect and make changes if any.
No offense meant here, but most of the parents even fail to reach "good enough" benchmark for their kids to trust them. As a result, kids grow-up lacking the ability to trust their own decisions. A few trends I found which I would like to highlight.
Walk-in-front parents: These parents usually love to the lead way for their kids. Although, this is good in the initial stages, but over the years this doesn't go down well as kids begin to grow up. This guarded way of bring-up the kids fail to build the ability to make the right judgments in them. The parents feel they maybe leading, but one day comes a shocker when they realize that the kids din't follow them!
Respect your children: As much as you feel the need to be respected, so does your child. To demand respect as a parent from your kid by instilling fear is not the right approach. Build self-respect in your children by letting them make their decisions even if they are wrong. That would help them gain experiences in life and take on the challenges early on. This is the most important aspect if you genuinely wish to transition to a positive parent.
Accept anger in children: Just as you seem to be angry and feel its normal, so is the anger in your child. Don't shun the angry child away saying "they don't have the right to be angry when they are young because they don't have responsibilities". As much as you feel you have a huge load of responsibility as a parent that you are shouldering, so does your child. Only difference being the gravity of responsibilities differ as different levels. Don't dismiss the feelings of your child as unimportant and send them of to their rooms. This will only make them feel unworthy as they grow up to be adults.
Be considerate and open to changes: This is another aspect which I have observed in parents who don't embrace a change a child wants to bring in. Parent's are so rigid about their wants and needs because a neighbor's daughter or son achieves, they try and impose the same on their kids. Be a little considerate and stop comparing your kids with others. Well, if you can't, then be prepared to be compared with the same neighbor's parents or a far off relatives parents by your kids!
Respect their friends: If you want your child to behave as a well mannered kid and greet your friends and colleagues, then its fair and square for your child to expect the same from you for their friends. Teach them to befriend everyone, irrespective of caste, creed, sex and religion and shower the same adulation on their friends. This will help you as well as your child be aware of the ground reality and hold humanity in high regards than anything else.
Set an example: How you behave and treat others impacts your child and speaks volumes about you to them. If you're a hypocrite and practice double-standards, not only will your child not respect you but they will also get confused about the real you and their innate sense of trust begins to suffer. Don't loose the privilege as a parent that you have. Resist the urge to punish your child when he/she points out your mistake about your preaching and your actions. Instead, take a step back and analysis and talk it out. Open conversation with your children goes a long way.
Of course, as a parent you have the power to decide for the betterment of your child, but what is also important is to empower your child to live the life they always want to, as they grow up. Give your child the opportunity to work through the feeling. It's okay to take advice from your kids, sometimes they show you the perspective that as an adult you wouldn't have thought through.
To all those who are about to step-in to the world of parenthood this might just be the right time to have some "advice" so to say to help you out through the staggering challenge you are about to experience. For those who call themselves "the proud parents", maybe its about time to retrospect and make changes if any.
No offense meant here, but most of the parents even fail to reach "good enough" benchmark for their kids to trust them. As a result, kids grow-up lacking the ability to trust their own decisions. A few trends I found which I would like to highlight.
Walk-in-front parents: These parents usually love to the lead way for their kids. Although, this is good in the initial stages, but over the years this doesn't go down well as kids begin to grow up. This guarded way of bring-up the kids fail to build the ability to make the right judgments in them. The parents feel they maybe leading, but one day comes a shocker when they realize that the kids din't follow them!
Respect your children: As much as you feel the need to be respected, so does your child. To demand respect as a parent from your kid by instilling fear is not the right approach. Build self-respect in your children by letting them make their decisions even if they are wrong. That would help them gain experiences in life and take on the challenges early on. This is the most important aspect if you genuinely wish to transition to a positive parent.
Accept anger in children: Just as you seem to be angry and feel its normal, so is the anger in your child. Don't shun the angry child away saying "they don't have the right to be angry when they are young because they don't have responsibilities". As much as you feel you have a huge load of responsibility as a parent that you are shouldering, so does your child. Only difference being the gravity of responsibilities differ as different levels. Don't dismiss the feelings of your child as unimportant and send them of to their rooms. This will only make them feel unworthy as they grow up to be adults.
Be considerate and open to changes: This is another aspect which I have observed in parents who don't embrace a change a child wants to bring in. Parent's are so rigid about their wants and needs because a neighbor's daughter or son achieves, they try and impose the same on their kids. Be a little considerate and stop comparing your kids with others. Well, if you can't, then be prepared to be compared with the same neighbor's parents or a far off relatives parents by your kids!
Respect their friends: If you want your child to behave as a well mannered kid and greet your friends and colleagues, then its fair and square for your child to expect the same from you for their friends. Teach them to befriend everyone, irrespective of caste, creed, sex and religion and shower the same adulation on their friends. This will help you as well as your child be aware of the ground reality and hold humanity in high regards than anything else.
Set an example: How you behave and treat others impacts your child and speaks volumes about you to them. If you're a hypocrite and practice double-standards, not only will your child not respect you but they will also get confused about the real you and their innate sense of trust begins to suffer. Don't loose the privilege as a parent that you have. Resist the urge to punish your child when he/she points out your mistake about your preaching and your actions. Instead, take a step back and analysis and talk it out. Open conversation with your children goes a long way.
Of course, as a parent you have the power to decide for the betterment of your child, but what is also important is to empower your child to live the life they always want to, as they grow up. Give your child the opportunity to work through the feeling. It's okay to take advice from your kids, sometimes they show you the perspective that as an adult you wouldn't have thought through.
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