Kerala - God's Own Country

I always wondered why people call Kerala - God’s Own Country. To find my answers, I decided to pay a visit and experience some of its exquisite locations.

I booked an early morning flight, packed my bags and was off to Kerala. I had already decided on the places I would be visiting – Alleppey and Munnar. My first destination was Alleppey. The closest airport to reach Alleppey is the Cochin International airport. The bright sunny morning along with the cold October breeze was the perfect start for my voyage. On reaching the airport, I was picked by my driver and was off to Alleppey. From Cochin, it’s about 90 minutes drive to the houseboat that I had booked.

On reaching Alleppey, and walking down a sinewy stretch, I was eager to spot the houseboat. Lavender – as she is called. The houseboat was a nice home away from home.

Lavender - As she is fondly called

I was welcomed by the chef/caretakers of the boat - Joe and Ashokumaran so courteously. They served me with a traditional Kerala welcome drink tender coconut with a touch of contemporary presentation combined with the freshness of Pineapple. After a nice rinse it was time now for the boat to cruise through the back waters. The boat floats through the still waters dotted with tall coconut trees, undisturbed by the scurry of the household chores by the villagers on the shore. I ask the captain of the boat, Ashokumaran if I can voyage the houseboat and he immediately obliges with a smile. I rotate the wheel and turn it to the right. He chuckles at my effort to manoeuvre between the approaching houseboat on the left.  Finally after cruising for about one hour, he anchors the boat in the middle of the backwaters away from the shore for some yummiliciuous Kerala meal. As the meal is laid on the table, I see many such half-filled housboats float past me and the people on board exchanging smiles and waves. To have a meal as authentic as this one comprising of nice deep fried fish, rice, avail and Kerala pappad all cooked in the aromatic coconut oil, makes you yearning for this quiet moment amidst waters and sea crows.

Kerala meen - deep fried in aromatic oil and abundant flavors

Continuing the ride along through the narrow canals, occasionally interrupted by ear-splitting music and spotting small canoes rowed by the villagers, as the boat alights back at the shore, I look back at the calm backwaters and other houseboats and let the experience seep in. After dinner it was time to hit the bed. The quite backwaters and the cool breeze from the outside and some aromatic food being cooked by the locals dint take long for me to quickly fall asleep. I was all set the next day to start my tour to my next destination to Munnar.

The drive from Alleppey to Munnar is a long 3hrs. En route to the destination I came across a beautiful waterfall.

Waterfall en route to Munnar

The clear waters and the forceful sound of the falls in the midst of the serene and green forest was harmony to the ears. As I approached Munnar, the weather started dropping. The cold breeze blowing through my face, the drizzles from the misty clouds reminded me why I loved the monsoons.

Approaching the Deep Woods Resort, I realized this was so far off from the city nestled in absolute silence. Located at the highest point in Kerala, 1700meters above sea level, Munnar allows a splendid view of the Western Ghats, which unfolds before you like a green carpet.

Tea plantations in Munnar

This place is often covered by mist on a clear day. You surely feel like you are walking through the clouds. Around Munnar are a lot of sightseeing options. My first stop was at the Kannan Devan Tea Museum, the first tea museum of its kind in the country. There are several old equipment’s at the museum which take you to the era of how people valued labor and machine was just a medium to make life easy and not a part of their life. Some of it was the tea processing machine, the rail unit, first typewriter and many more. I was not only exposed to the right way of making tea but also realized how tedious it was by the time we are presented with the aromatic tea dust that we enjoy every morning at bed. The journey at the museum would have been incomplete without a hot cup of Black Cardamom Tea to sip on. I also picked some tea packs to bring back home which were available at discounted prices.

One of the tea processing machine

The sunset at the Pothamadu viewpoint was truly mesmerizing. I have witnessed the sunset at the beach before this. But looking at the sun set deep in the forest from a hill top was spectacular. The colors of the setting sun with lush greenery, truly defines nature at its best.

Munnar is a great place to stock up spices like cardamom, vanilla, pepper, cinnamon and nutmeg. As I take a stroll through the streets, I find number of shops across the streets selling all these and chocolates in different flavors, shapes and sizes. Language or communication was not one bit of a hassle considering Kerala is one of the most literate states in India. People are very warm and welcoming towards the tourist.

How could I leave Kerala without gorging on some amazing, coconut oil fried banana chips? You surely cannot stop at one. And I completely vouch for this green state being labelled God’s own country. It truly is a place, which will bring to the fore the simple joys of life one tends to forget in the urban whirlwind.

Expectations – how much is too much

Has anyone paid any attention to the ordeal it brings when you hear “You should have managed mine/their expectations?”

People who set standards feel others who are required to meet their expectations are under their control. If all you need is to control and tame others on the whims and fancies of your choices so you can hold your head high even if it means to bury the person six-feet under the ground, you would do it because it gives you a sense of achievement. But the person, who’s nailed down and expected to meet your needs and desires, imagine the state! The fluctuations in the mind of such a human, definitely takes a toll on the stability of the being.

So I had to look at what an expectation is. First off, it is not a promise. It is not a guarantee of a specific outcome. It is not a demand made to the Universe that our desires be met. As I looked more deeply I saw that it is simply how we are framing both the present and the future for ourselves. It is a creative act, based on past experience, energized by emotions and feelings, and modified by our imagination and desires.

It is surprising to see how we allow whom we love so deeply and dearly, consciously or sub-consciously to influence our life and how deep those influences lies that we forget, they are slowly but surely taking a shape of the expectations from them on us and from then on it is just a train of things which goes from meeting one to another. While you strive hard to prove yourself worthwhile so that it fulfills their desires, your happiness takes a backseat. And the next thing you know is you are hurt, devastated when you get to know that their expectations are not met. 

It is absolutely fair to be impulsive the moment you know someone expects something from you. It gets you going to prove your worth. But what is also absolutely necessary is to have your heart in the right place in order to understand how realistic the expectations are. In any relationship, say mother-son, father-daughter, siblings, husband-wife, teacher-student; there is a certain level of responsibility. But as time passes and as the relationship grows, some tend to get more fragile because there is only one person among the two who is constantly expecting the other to change as per his/her desires so that the opposite individual is the one to shoulder the burden of the entire relationship to move ahead and being obsessed to win the you-met-my-expectations trophy from the other. 

With the evolution of expectations comes the epiphany that you can lose yourself in this journey to be what you are not. Not all of us can be size zero. And then you go there and that takes away the focus from your life. You are so busy in comparing yourself to others that you lose your true identity and you start to get uncomfortable in what you are and who you are. You are expected to change, you do change and one fine day you are told the most favorite phrase “you've changed. You’re not the same person anymore.” That’s the irony. Of course, change is inevitable. But to make it a part of your life so much so that you get demoted as you change and eventually start to feel suffocated is not what you set out for. Just as you put a statutory warning against smoking, some people consider it as their birth right to expect from everyone around them and have a face that screams out ‘this behavior is not acceptable by you and you will be punished.’ 

I personally feel that you need to set your own expectations and you need to be in full control of how and when to alter it as per your capabilities and not let an external force, even if it is a being who is closest to you, to alter or set expectations for you. Else you will never find an answer for how much is too much of expectation. Think!

I have an identity and that is not “A Victim”

To look is one thing,

To see what you look at is another.

To understand what you see is third,

To learn what you understand is still something else;

I have had tears streaming down my face from frustration, disappointment, and failures. There is absolutely no shame in crying because tears taste better than self-defeat. Unless you’re a woman, you won’t understand how invasive and annoying it can be, this unasked for, completely random inquisition and abuse.

Research shows that about 100 crore women across the world are harassed every day. What an alarming number. One woman is raped every 22 minutes in India. One in 5 girls is sexually abused every 6 minutes. One woman dies for dowry harassment every 1 hour. The rate at which marriages are falling apart, has increased tremendously such that, you walk in a family court and it’s a fish market. The accused get away so easily that the judge barely has the time to listen to your part of the story. To give you deeper reality, there is no “Geeta pe haath rakhke kasam khao” anymore. The Holy book Geeta is replaced with a Xerox on a cardboard which says “I swear by The Geeta” and is tied with a string on a wooden railing and stays dangling there, unnoticed. What a shame!

But what is more shocking is we see seldom see women come out in open fearlessly and talk about the plethora of harassment? To have been through a trauma as close to breaking the soul from within and being finger pointed as “a victim” is physically, mentally and emotionally taxing.

You might read about her. But you will rarely hear from her.

Have we ever wondered why no woman in the world today escapes macho-ism altogether? Somehow it is egged into her mind from the very young age that she is a born victim and is meant to tolerate. In fact, she is locked into a pattern of inflicting psychic pain on herself. Submitting always to the will and whim of others, she perpetuates her own misery by living in fear that she would somehow offend if she tried to stand up for herself. 

As parents, guardians, teachers and well-wishers we school the girls in our family to dress appropriately, to cover-up, to speak softly, how to sit, how to eat. Of course, this schooling is very much needed to maintain the grace and poise and to transform her into a beautiful lady. That definitely is the way ahead. But what is also important is how we help them cope up in trying times. There are some experiences you never forget and that trigger a flood of emotions in the most unexpected scenarios. For some people, wrestling with these emotional demons is a daily battle.

It is equally important to understand that it is the same people’s responsibility to balance out the same teachings to the boys in the family. Unfortunately, it so happens that the boys are pushed towards independent life at a very early age. This practical division of ingrained gender bias is what robs everyone of what is real and essential. Don’t dismiss the tears in a boy’s eye as a cliche “Boys don’t cry”. That is when they turn to show their violent streak and control the most accessible human race - Women.

It is very easy to confuse what we do and who we are. The word “identity” is paradoxical in itself, meaning both sameness and distinctiveness, and its contradictions proliferate when it is applied to women. Point towards a woman and see for yourself that she is a way towards an active, functional and fulfilling life with an identity of her own and that surely is not of "A Victim." 

Lady, you, alone, are enough!